It’s been a wild and crazy month around these parts.. We went to Mexico for a week, moved across the city, and I am a whole year older! (whoa.) I may post some pictures from Mexico at some point.. as soon as they make their way to me.
Today I said goodbye to my first Seattle apartment.. I know it may sound silly, but I became quite attached to that tiny, little box. **sigh** C’est la vie.
I’ve spent a lot of time thinking the past few days about the recent announcement that Polaroid will be discontinuing their Instant Film format. I suppose it is hard for me to accept because it was one of those things that I trusted to always be there for me to explore more. I realize how naive and presumptuous this thought was. Truthfully, there wasn’t much thought about it before these past two weeks. It sounds silly to describe Polaroid as a cornerstone of my life that has now been removed, but it certainly represents that notion. It seems to represent a string of realizations (in m my life) lately that everything is fleeting. That’s a discussion for another day. In the grand scheme, Polaroid represents a small portion of all that is fleeting and important (or unimportant) in life, but it serves as a reminder none-the-less. (An irking, irritating, and unnecessary reminder.)
Polaroid represents what I love about art and photography. I believe experimentation, accidents, and unpredictability are important if not essential parts of the art making process. With Polaroid film you are guaranteed all three will occur at some point. I find that with digital photography I am lazy and expectant. It’s not that you cannot be experimental with digital photography: it’s just a lot more difficult. It’s difficult to make a mistake. Either that, or when you do experiment your results are predictable. In my opinion, the aesthetics of digital photography, especially experimental digital photography, will never compare to the images created with paper and chemicals.
Ultimately, I understand the decision made by Polaroid and decisions being made by film companies the world over. It is not profitable to make film anymore. If I could help support it by purchasing film and paper more, I would. I’m probably a fair sample of the consumer who is still interested in film and chemical processing. I would love to use only that. But, the fact is that I can’t afford it. I have a digital camera and a printer because it saves me hundreds of dollars a year. I hate to be a hypocrite, but at the same time, I refuse to believe that Polaroid cannot posses a corner in a niche market. I just hate to see an art form die. Are they going to stop making paint next? Pencils, maybe? (I heard pens are the new pencil..)
In an effort to garner some attention to the “niche market,” if one exists, and I believe strongly that it does, I have created a website- www.savethepolaroid.com. The website will be a hub for news from Polaroid and other corporations with options to pick up the Polaroid Instant Film format. To start, I am trying to gain support through photographers and Polaroid enthusiasts. The website provides the option to send pictures to Polaroid Corp. to express disappointment and representation for the existing market. Polaroid will not overturn its decision to stop making instant film. However, enough vocalization may be just what the art form needs to survive. Polaroid is interested in selling the technology, if only there is a buyer. Join the effort- www.savethepolaroid.com.
A few weeks ago I went for a walk with my Holga camera. I also took with me my Kodak Jr. Autographic (lent to me by David) and Polaroid Reporter SE cameras. It was either too dark for my polaroids to turn out, or the film was too old.. This is the problem with being on art hiatus. I’m not sure how good my old film is anymore. I thought I had shot a successful roll with the Autographic, which also requires a great deal of light, but when I went to take the film out it had stopped winding half way through. I exposed the entire roll by opening it up unknowingly. Well.. I’ll try again. On a sunnier day, too.
The good news is that the Holga images turned out– sort of. Again, I’m not sure if it was the lack of light, the processing, or the film, but all the Holga images were vastly underexposed and painfully cyan. I’m trying to remember back when I actually processed color film. I’m thinking that the “ultra cyan” happens with underexposure, but I can’t remember for sure. Anybody? Anyway.. I scanned the photos into Photoshop and played with the levels. They lost a lot of pixel info as I tried to balance them somewhat. Let’s just say, they look better small. They are not great, but they are kinda fun for what they are. I love the light leaks and the dust. I’ll definitely be experimenting more. I expect the next roll will go better. I miss processing film. The chemicals, the smells, the mistakes.. It’s so much more exciting than working in digital. Digital has it’s good points, but really.. Film, you are my true love.
Have you been wondering where I’ve been? Yeah.. me too. I’m going to blame it on the winter. My body and my brain have gone into full hibernation mode. Well, maybe it was my brain and then followed by my body. I can’t find the energy to do much of anything lately. Seattle winters were supposed to be better than Wisconsin. Hmm.. I may just have to fly south for the winter from now on.
I haven’t been feeling very inspired lately. That’s why it was great the other night when our friends Ben and Mel had the idea to host a “Make Things Night.” At first I dragged my feet, saying, “I don’t know what to make..” Lame. I know. The idea was that it didn’t really matter– just make something! Turns out, that was exactly the pressure relieving kind of situation I needed. I have all these grand ideas.. all these plans. I build them up in my head before they ever hit paper. It was nice to just sit down and draw. I didn’t want to lug too much material over to their place, so I brought my box of pencils and oil pastels and a large pad of paper. Zack brought his box of clay that we’ve been using as weight on top of the refrigerator to stop it’s awful buzzing. It was great to see him sculpting again. Ben was inspired to do a watercolor of a robot (affectionately known as “Voltron”) and Mel followed suit with Zack’s clay.
In other news, I started going to yoga again. I forgot how good it makes me feel. When I got home, I pulled out a book recommended by my previous yoga teacher. It’s called “The Breath of God” by Swami Chetanananda. I swear I spelled that correctly! I opened the book right up to an ironically appropriate section, as usual. This book is full of relevant wisdom. It reads:
People have a real talent for coming up with excuses not to do their spiritual work. The point, however, is that you have to find excuses to work, instead of excuses not to. That’s all. If making excuses is your talent, then turn it around- everything is double-edged, and every talent cuts both ways. So, use your excuses to make yourself work. Find excuses to grow and to become a bigger person.
Despite the appearance of multiplicity in the world, there is only one essence to all things. If this is so, then what you think of as problems and obstacles to your growing really are not. What you think of as good and bad really are not. There are only forces at work within the field of your awareness in which you must continually find your balance. If you lose sight of this, then it becomes easy to fall into some kind of self-abuse: “Oh, I’m so weak, I’m so stupid, I’m so afflicted, and besides, nobody likes me!” These can then become wonderful excuses for not working.
Understanding that life is holistic and that all things are ephemeral means that you are not attached to anything. It means that you live your life as an expression of love and respect for the creative power that has given rise to this whole life experience. It means, finally, that you give up your excuses.
i believe i am in the midst of an existential crisis.
